a journal through trauma therapy and healing C-PTSD
I’ve worked through my rape memories in therapy, layer by layer, yet there was one detail of this ugly story I wanted to stay locked away, hidden in the dark because I could not stomach its truth: I returned to the man who raped me. The very next day I approached him sexually. How do I make sense of that? Continue reading “Returning For Sex to the Man Who Raped Me”
Physical touch does not come naturally to me, whether it is receiving touch, knowing how to touch those I care about, or recognizing my own physical sensations. Physical touch seems to be directed by my head instead of any innate feeling in my body. It takes focus and conscious effort to think about touching someone or think about how to respond appropriately when touched. Continue reading “When You Cannot Force “Good Touch” to Feel Good”
Feeling disconnected from my own body and who I am as a person is one of the many frustrating realities rooted in the sexual abuse, assault, and emotional abuse I experienced. It interferes with my ability to connect with other people, to feel experiences physically, to know what I want or need, and of course, it interferes with my sexuality and intimacy. Reconnecting with my body has happened through experiencing trusting relationships and processing my trauma in therapy. To FEEL my own body, know myself, let my soul shine through…this has been the most incredible healing and spiritual experience. Continue reading “Reconnecting With My Body After Abuse”