honest in therapy - We All Have Shadows

Today I did not hide anything; I was seen and heard regardless of whether the honesty felt selfish and dramatic. My struggles are not only with the traumatic events I have focused on in therapy, but rather to the pattern of painful experiences with men. I admitted my shame for whatever it is about me that attracts this attention. It is difficult to use my voice, but I spoke shame and secrets, like the sexual harassment case I brought forward almost 20 years ago. It is a story I kept hidden and minimized, trying to convince myself all these years it was nothing. Yet the guilt that poured forth as I voiced it was overwhelming. Out loud, I questioned why I was “that kind of girl”. It felt stupid and it was a painful question to voice. Continue reading “The Sexual Harassment Piece of the Story”

I guess I saw each of my difficult experiences as separate stories. When I began therapy, I felt it was best to leave out some of those stories because I was ashamed. I would tackle the biggest, hardest piece, the one that left me with PTSD – the domestic abuse in my first marriage. As I processed much of this, I began piecing together a much bigger picture I could not see before. The other stories are actually not separate at all. Each experience builds on a previous one. Each hard story impacts the next hard story. Learning how traumas become compounded helps me forgive myself and allows for healing to continue only by being honest with my WHOLE story. Continue reading “Being Honest With My Whole Story”